
          Figures of speech--High Tech Drifter
          By Tullos, AllenAllen Tullos
          Vol. 6, No. 2, 1984, pp. 1-3
          
          
            There is an unmistakable glint in Dirty Gary's eye
as he takes point blank aim at the man who holds the Democratic_Party
hostage. "Go ahead Mondale, make my day."
          
          
            "Dry up and blow away, Gary, " snaps the bleary
Fritz, his arm tightening around the neck of the Nomination as he
backpedals toward San Francisco.
          
          As the Live Eye opens, the hawk-faced Coloradan is taking
questions.
          "Senator, your rapid rise this primary season brings to this
reporter's mind the recent blockbuster movie 'Sudden Impact.' But just
how long can you continue to build a presidential campaign out of
Clint Eastwood scripts?"
          "Just as long," counters Dirty Gary, "as Eastwood continues to call
himself an independent, Western, charismatic, Jeffersonian Democrat,
not especially big on gun control."
          "But Eastwood's not fresh," argues a columnist. "He's a
dinosaur. Why don't you get with the team?"
          "It's true," says Dirty Gary, "Eastwood's films have roots in the
vigilante past, but they respond to the hidden agendas of the new
idealism of self-interest. They are for youngsters of any age. They
also happen to be the only scenarios which can beat the
Death-Valley-warmed-over plot lines of Reagan in November. I offer a
choice between the past and the future: government on horseback and by
twenty-muleteam or the digital cowboy on the microwave range--the
Western Sizzler."
          "Aren't you getting a bit ahead of yourself? What about
Mondale?"
          "Mondale is mush. Until after New Hampshire all he did was retreat
beyond understatement. He's part of the complacent, back-scratching,
bloated menagerie of Washington insiders who have the look of
losers. Their butts have the shape of the chairs behind their
desks.
          "Eastwood," continues Dirty Gary, "always has to move against the
corrupt, bureacratic organization men--the bosses on the take--at the
same time as he pinches 

off the heads of the low-life hoodlums who
make life hard for young, urban professionals in parking garages and
in the elevators of fitness centers."
          "How do you respond," asks a savvy anchor, "to the often heard
criticism that both you and Eastwood are steely, aloof loners with an
Irish fatalistic sense of inevitability?"
          "Look," snaps Dirty Gary, "I put on my business suit like everybody
else--one Lucchese boot at a time. I'm often called detached and laid
back. That's just the way I am."
          "Senator, what do you mean when you say, 'People will know about me
through what they read or what they see'?"
          "I mean television spots, airport fly-ins and full page newspaper
ads. As you know, our campaign has set the pace in making democracy
safe for television. Iowa and the New England states were our test
markets, but I've given up more than a year to learn how to appeal to
the young and the restless--the voters who can decide the '84
election.
          "Mondale dared to be cautions for too long while we have taken the
initiative in making caution look daring. Consider my defense
proposals for instance. I call for an increase even beyond Reagan's
military budget and at the same time am able to appear both modern and
pragmatic, and to lay claim to the high moral ground of the Nuclear
Freeze.
          "We're patching up voter indifferences with a play to the young at
heart. Computer graphics give us the look of the future in our video
ads. We've benefited from my easily communicated maverick astringency
and hatred of phoniness. We've also gained from Mondale's own TV
appearances with his crime boss' wet look, banker's suit and leaden
eyelids. And, once the primary votes began to come in,
Mondale--despite his fighting phrases--has not yet been able to wipe
the chagrin off his face--even after Illinois.
          "Then," continues Dirty Gary, his words coming in an
uncharacteristic rush, "you know the advertisement that the New_York
Times runs for itself? The one that goes, 'Every
message is at the mercy of its environment'? Well, we've made our
media shots with that ad in mind. First, we've concentrated on the
main entertainment shows of television--the local newscasts. You've
seen how in a single hour at an airport I can appear live on the news
shows of every station in a local market. Also, we buy commercial time
as close to the newscasts as we can get. Our spots look and sound as
technically flashy and as newsy as the news appears entertaining.
          "Second, we choose key words, dramatic moods and poses in our ads
to resemble those in commercials which are popular with the same
audience that we are targeting. That way, successful products
reinforce our message. Every time Chrysler touts the New Chrysler
Technology, or AT&T flashes up their futuristic hardware and logo
while talking about A New Revolution from AT&T Information Systems, we
benefit. Think of what happens when Michael Jackson sings and dances
for Pepsi: There's A Whole New Generation Out There. My biggest
mistake in the campaign so far is letting Mondale beat me to 'Where's
the beef?'. It's a real underdog's slogan--hype that pays upon the
consumer's current distrust of hype."
          "I don't understand," confesses a reporter. "How can you expect to
benefit from the New Chrylser when everyone has heard that you voted
against the bail-out."
          "Never mind. That's the past. My image of the new reminds you of
other new images, they remind you of me and that generates the
character of the emerging environment--which wouldn't be complete
without Michael Jackson and the New Chrysler Corporation and AT&T and
Gary Hart. Bunkmates with the future.
          "We intend to make our place among a fast moving and exciting
ensemble of leading-edge imagery," says Dirty Gary through his rugged
good looks. "Many citizens of the electronic village don't want their
lifestyles to get out of phase. We want to be as necessary to their
poise and moods of desire as a Pepsi."
          "Senator, it seems more and more likely that the party's nominee
will not be chosen until this summer's convention. How are you going
to keep track of delegates, particularly the uncommitted?"

          "That's simple enough," answers Dirty Gary. "I'll do what
Eastwood--or, for that matter, what Jack or Buddy Kennedy would
do--break down the delegates' hotel room doors and see if they're
dressed like neo-liberals. If not, I'll open fire. A final
question?"
          "Yes. What happens when the Great Communicator hears about
this?"
          "Reagan puts on his coat and tie just like I do," Dirty Gary
replies, "one shoulder holster at a time. I think it's clear that the
New is not new enough for both of us."
        
